Here we go!

Sometimes you just need to talk to a good friend, who really knows you, to help you get back on the creative wagon. Things keep happening that want to derail me being as creative as I want. My mother fell again last week. The second time this year. I went into her hometown on Monday to check on her, the house, and I made her a big pot of veggie soup and some rice on the side. I bought her some frozen breakfast sandwiches, frozen chicken and turkey breakfast sausages, and breakfast bars. Why? Because she won't eat breakfast. Then later in the day, she'll get dizzy. And then comes the fall. So I got easy and small things she can eat in the morning to get something on her stomach. Today I go back because she's got a doctor's appointment.

Back to my friend. She helped me get out of this little rut that was about to turn into a canyon. It's the same old negative loop. I have a list of things I want to do. I get a great start in the morning. Then right after coffee, things go haywire. The doubts seep in. Why work on something and it won't turn out. Or no one  will like it. No one will buy it. No one will buy anything because nothing's finished. Then I get freaked out, think about my mother, getting a new job, and it just goes on and on. My friend told me to stop it. Find a beautiful picture of Scotland and put it where I can see it everyday. And tell myself that I need to work on and complete things so I can get there. Yesterday was a good day. Got more Frida dolls stuffed and put together. I didn't get to all on the list, but I got to that.

See, they look like aliens. This is one point where I would stop and do the bad thing of beating myself up. So when I get back from mom's, I will paint pretty faces. Have a great day y'all. Someone should.

Moving Right Along

At the beginning of the year, I said that I was going to make this my year. The past few years hadn't been great and I'm looking for a change. It's still early on and I will continue to work on it being my year. I'm not a fortune teller and have no idea of what will truly happen but I will work towards something very nice. I deserve that. I have quite a few friends on Facebook who are having an awfully hard time with this year and they want it over already. My hearts and prayers go out to them. It's been a strange year so far. Illnesses, deaths (in family and not), separations and divorces, those losing jobs, having cross country moves... I can't wrap my head around it and I don't know if I should try. Last week was a bump in the road. The change of seasons and the weird weather, the time change, and allergies. Those things kind of knocked me down and the doubts tried to set in. So for three days, I did nothing. I'm grateful that I could do nothing. I watched the spring sunlight change in my apartment. I straightened my apartment and work area. And I got rest. Now my head is clearer and I can move forward.

I've decided that I would not give up on some 'way out there' dreams. Like my trip to Scotland that I've wanted to do for over 30 years. My friend I was planning on taking the adventure with has decided that she can't think about it until her living and job situation changes. I get that. I truly understand. But I thought about it. If I give up my dreams, whether they happen or not, I've given up on a part of me. That dream may be the one thing to keep me going through all the other daily muck that happens. This dream may take several more years to accomplish but it's still there in my heart. The one bright beacon I can focus on. So I will tell her that I will dream for the both of us until she is ready to join in again. I know I will start guarding my time a bit more. Saying no a bit more often. Concentrating on what I want to do and where I want to go with it. I get one chance at this life. I will fight to make the best of it.

Here are my latest sketches of bears. I will do more this week.

Dreams, Dreams, Dreams

I've been in a creative funk lately, even though I had fun celebrating my birthday month. I was bound and determined to turn this year around and do something, so I straightened up my work space. This type of straightening wasn't procrastinating because when my work area gets to the point where I can't find anything, it needs to be fixed. Once I could see things, my mind felt clearer. I could even breath better. And the following morning, the dreams came.

We all dream. We may not remember them, but we all do it. When I was younger, I studied dreams and all scientific things going on about dreaming. I disagreed with them on some points. Since then some things have changed. They used to say that you only dream after you reach REM, about an hour once you fall asleep. Um... yeah. I can be asleep for ten minutes and have dreams of epic proportions. That's where I get most of my story ideas from. Dreams.

Another thing they used to say was that dreams were only in black and white. I haven't kept up on dream research but for me and others I've met, that was wrong. I had one nightmare in my lifetime that was in black and white. My dreams are in wonderful Technicolor. With sounds and smells. Sometimes my dreams are just fluff, sometimes I'm flying and then I crash and burn. I'm not hurt but it's telling me that I have to work something through. That's usually the case for me. I have gone years without remembering dreams (and I had been totally miserable), I know I've had them but can't remember them. But when something in my life is happening, a big change or little is coming and I need to think things through or just not give up, the dreams come. Fast and furious like.

After I cleared the clutter in my creative work space, it seemed to allow the creative flood gates to open and thoughts in my mind to get going again. But two mornings ago, I couldn't remember the dreams. There were about four or five, one right after the next. Some were long and others short. I try to remember what's going on in my dreams so I can analyze them because they usually tell me something. What to do next, which direction to go in, what to decide but... my alarm went off just when something was going to happen. Gah! Sometimes if I just stay still I can remember bits and pieces. Nope. Not this time. It was crazy too. A whirlwind of 'what the heck' things.

Then things in real life started to change. I became productive again. Got a new longarm job. Got a positive response from a quilt shop owner for her to send some business my way. Got a message that another longarmer is sending business my way. The rough draft of my short story is almost done. The top of a wall hanging I started many moons ago is on its way to be finished. And I'm being consistent with what I do. My down time in between projects is getting shorter. Meaning, when I get to a certain point where I need to think about a project more before continuing or I get tired, I just don't turn on the TV and waste the rest of the day. I take a short break and go onto the next project. That's a good thing. I'm starting to utilize my time better. I will have pictures shortly.

Have a great day!

What Not to Eat Before Bed

Note to self: Do not eat hot wings, have a glass of wine and a glass of beer before bed. I did that last night and I had the craziest dreams. Do not believe anyone who tells you that we all dream in black and white. Nope. Not this gal. It was all in Technicolor with surround sound.

The Dream
I was in an office building and I started hearing gunshots. People were screaming and running. I ran out of the office I was in and saw a woman shooting people and a man with a very large chainsaw, like for very big trees. I ran the other way and up a flight of stairs to the end of a hall and into a room. Some others followed me. We hid in this room that hadn't been used in awhile because everything in it was dusty. The room was filled with old sewing machines and sewing materials, including some large shears. There had to be about eight of us in the room and we were all catching our breaths, waiting for the cops to show up.

The door burst open and in ran a young man in olive green polyester pants. He was screaming. He shut the door but the guy behind him broke through. The guy with the chainsaw. He ran in and started hacking up people. I looked around and no one was grabbing the large shears to throw at the guy. I ran out the door, poly guy and some others followed me.

We got down to the lobby and there was blood all over the place, but no bodies. I continued to hear gunfire. I started towards the door but it was booby trapped with a large homemade hand grenade, grey in color. Couldn't exit through the door. I told myself, "This is not the day I die." I looked at the windows and decided to break one of them. There were a couple of chairs around. A little voice in my head said that I wouldn't be able to do it. I replied, watch me. I picked up a chair and hit one of the glass panes. It fell out its holdings toward the street. Gunfire was getting closer. I ran outside with others behind.

Now, the people on the street were just walking around like nothing was happening. No cops. Anywhere. Then the lady with the gun, who saw us leaving the building, followed us outside and started shooting people. She ran out of bullets. I don't know what I grabbed but it was big and heavy and I hit her with it. She looked stunned, so I did an upswing and hit her again. She started to wobble and I hit her again and she finally fell to the ground. I jumped her and started shoving her face into the pavement, telling her not to move. Of course she wasn't listening so her face got more pavement. I told poly guy to grab her hands so she wouldn't get away. I had a knee in her back and looked up to stupid people just staring at me. I said, "Will someone call the f****** cops!" Finally heard sirens, then the chainsaw boyfriend came out and started slashing people. The cops arrived and shot him dead. The gun lady was trying to talk. She got more pavement to the face.

My alarm clock went off. I asked myself, what the heck was that? I turned the alarm off and rolled over to...

Dream 2
I was in a school. I had given a presentation earlier and I hear gunfire. I say to myself, 'Again?' I was starting to feel like John McClaine. There's a window with glass in the door of the classroom, about adult height. I look out and see a gunman, dressed all in black heading towards the room with me, a female teacher, and a bunch of scared kids. I tell her to spread the kids along the side walls of the classroom, away from view. The gunman came through the door, the teacher and I slammed the door on his arm, he dropped his pistol. I grabbed the pistol, he pushed through the door and I shot him in the throat. No use fooling around. A male teacher ran into the room and pulled the bad guy out of the way. We told the female teacher to take the kids and run. Half of them made it down the hall and out of a side door, when another gunman came our way. We told the kids to hide in the closet and the male teacher and I started pushing the desk and chairs in front of the door. The gunman broke the glass in the window with a rifle butt and started shooting into the classroom. The teacher and I ducked, didn't get hit with any bullets. The gunman pushed through our meager defenses, saw the male teacher, took aim. Before he could pull the trigger, I shot him in the leg. He went down. The male teacher grabbed the rifle and shot the bad guy in the chest. I asked, "Is that it?" I wanted to add, are you stupid? I then shot the bad guy in the face. Double tap. This guy was a terrorist, probably with a bullet proof vest on. I've seen enough Jason and Michael and zombie movies to know that.

I woke up after that because nature was calling. But what the heck? What does that mean? Besides the fact that I shouldn't have that combination of eats before bed. That my new business venture is off to a great start. That I shouldn't feel down because it's slow going right now. That it's not the time to be a victim but to go ahead, full steam ahead. That what I want is worth fighting for. That I can do it by myself but I'll get help along the way.

I told a friend (the one who took me out to eat last night) the dreams I had this morning. At first he wasn't interested but as I continued the dream (because it was so long, movie lenght), he couldn't believe it. Then I told him the second dream and he finally said, "What the heck was that about?" I said, "Probably to not give up on this new business, don't give up." Then he said, "Or you're tired." He laughed and said, "You're very tired so get back to sewing." Yep, that's a guy for you.

Yes, get back to sewing. I've got a Nine Patch waiting for me. Coffee is almost gone. I may need some more. So, avoid that food combination before bed. Then again, it's... Never Give Up, Never Surrender. Galaxy Quest.

Have a FANTABULOUS day y'all!

Dreams and Writing

I dream a lot. I may not remember them, but I know I dream a lot. I had a wonderful one going this morning, during that almost asleep, almost awake time. I had started to remember the dream because I knew wake up time was coming and then the alarm goes off. I stayed still to try to recall what was going on, the characters involved, the setting, the colors (yes, I do dream in color), the sounds and smells (yep, those too), the mood of the environment and nothing. The dream was gone. Crimeny! That probably isn't spelled right, if it is a word at all but at this point in the morning, I don't care.

I got up, got a glass of water and took care of other business and got back in bed. Maybe I could dream again. Nope! The brain kicked on. More of a story I had started last night came into the forefront. Grabbed my pen and notebook and started writing. Yes, now I had a reason to why she (the main character) was being so difficult. The story was falling into place. I don't know how it will end but I've a good start. It's a short story. I'll write more on it later.

That's how many of my stories start. I dream them. Sometimes it's part of a dream. Sometimes it's a whole dream with some pretty impressive details. Before I open my eyes I try to remember as much as I can. I go over the scenario several times, then I grab equipment and write everything that I can remember down. Sometimes this happens at three AM and trying to decipher what I'd written is challenging in itself. On occasion, I can get a part two of a dream. Yes, some of my dreams continue. That's fun too. When I was younger, I would have recurring dreams. I guess I was trying to figure something out. Maybe telling me that I had control over my life and situation and that I could do something about it. In those dreams, the first one would be scary as all get out. The next time (and I would remember having the dream before), I would do something different. One dream I had four times (not always in a row, sometimes months later, or even years) and each time I would do something else to create a new outcome. I guess I solved that problem, whatever it was because I haven't had that dream lately. At least where I can remember it.

Sometimes my dreams do mean or is trying to tell me something and I try to figure it out. What the symbols mean. Can I connect them to something going bad in my life at the present time? Or did I eat something I shouldn't have? Other times they are so fantastical, they get written down. Whether they get turned into a short story or novel or screenplay or not, they get a bit of attention. Everyone dreams. You just may not remember them. Do you write your dreams down? What do they tell you?

Have a good Monday peeps!

Pictureless Post

For the past three months I've been having problems with my right thumb. I figured it was either tendinitis or arthritis. Well it got so bad I finally had to go to the clinic to have it checked out. It's arthritis. Figures. I cried. I finally figure out what I want to do with myself and I'm off to a great start and this. Several prescriptions sucking up money I don't have, the purchase of a thumb splint and I'm still here. I've also added some natural things to my diet. Ginger, cayenne, cinnamon, tart cherry juice, Glucosamine complex, Vit E-alpha, and topping it off with some exercise by knitting and working with clay.

Getting old sucks but I will not let this get me down. I will continue on making as many heads as I can before I can't use my hands at all. Who knows, they may find a cure by the time I reach 80. It's starting to feel better. The meds are kicking in and I have a lot of catching up to do. So stay tuned.

Krankie's Summer Craft Fair

Okay then. I was at the Krankie's Summer Craft Fair yesterday and it was a success. I worked hard and made enough money to pay bills and get some groceries. It's a great start. There was a very good and steady crowd. They were buying. Not lots but they were buying. I will believe that this is a good sign. I'm not going to listen to the goofy people in Washington, or those who do poles because they don't really ask the real people real questions, or any doomsday depressing people. I am excited about the holiday show and will start working towards that. This is just the beginning for me.

I have new ideas for figures. I'm no longer calling them dolls. People have an unusual idea when you say doll. And when you really look at my work, they aren't play things. I will start working on pieces that will be able to go in finer galleries and start working on getting into juried shows. Continue expanding my online presence and get more items on my Etsy shop.

This is a fantastic journey I'm on. I keep getting reminded that I am human and not perfect. But I'm also getting stronger in knowing who I am as a creative individual. I have to create. It is like breathing and this is how I will make a living. One step at a time. One figure at a time. One day at a time. There will be lots of planning and doing this week. Lots swirling around in my head.

Stay tuned!

Jam-packed Jazzy July

Yes, that title is a mouthful. I'm not going to list what I would like to get done but just do it and share with you. Another month, boy how time is flying, no, speeding like a jet plane by. I guess it's okay to have a down month. Life happens right? Only 23 creative days last month. But I got to see my little niece and her fat cheeks.

Creative mojo isn't on the blink and has been spotted lurking in corners. Good Wendy is trying valiantly to coax him out. I've rearranged my work table and now have inspiring past works on it and my writing reference books. I guess I should take a picture.

My 'believe' factor is improving. I read that one person wrote 'believe' in different ways and posted them all over her house, in her car, and office. It's one thing to say it but another to feel it. It is scary but I know what I want and it's coming. So I believe more now. I'm beginning to feel it in my heart that I can accomplish more to be able to live the life I want to live.

Let the games begin!

There is Something Going On

Sorry, no new pics just yet. I'm still trying to get over being discombobulated from the trip north. The temps we are having are those fit for August, not June. Sleeping so close to a fan hasn't helped my recovery of being as tired as a beaver making Hoover Dam II and now my sinuses have decided a sneak attack. Lovely summer. I can't do anything about it so I worked, strived to move on.

Yesterday didn't start out well. It was one of those, 'What the heck am I doing?' days. Who am I? What do I want out of life? What makes me think I can do this stuff? Yeah, I was whining and panicking. I quickly grew tired of the Bad Wendy assault and mentally slapped myself. Get a grip!

Am I doing a lot? Yes. Have I taken on too much? Probably. But if I'm not busy, creative busy, I don't feel alive. I've gotten to the point where I have to make things, write things. Creating and writing has finally gotten to the point where it's like breathing. I start to ache when I don't do something with my hands and my mind. It kind of doesn't matter if anyone sees it or not. These things are my creations.

Yesterday turned into a good day even though my head was swimming and my throat felt like the backside of a porcupine. I told myself that I would not cry and stopped thinking of all that was on my dinner table. I chose one thing and worked on it which started a domino effect.

I typed up my synopsis for book II of my Map Hunter series. It's the adventure I wanted to read when I was a kid. The adventure where the main character is a girl and she saves the realm without the aid of a boy. I wrote out my book arcs and then did chapter arcs. I did some reading. I was a voracious reader in my youth and early adulthood. I'm reading Terry Goodkind's 'Wizard's First Rule'. The TV series Legend of the Seeker comes from his books. I get a kick out of seeing his name appear in the credits of every episode, which leads to a new fan to go out and buy his books. I'm also reading 'Outlander' by Diana Gabaldon. I also wrote four new pages of an adult fantasy story. Which may or may not see completion but I wrote it.

I finally finished the first wrap of the Madonna foil doll. This morning I cut skin fabric to wrap her with. The fabric for her dress is ready and I pulled out the fabric for Sage's outfit. She's got to have a medicine pouch. I've got some nice light weight suede for that. I have to see if any friends have any mustard seed. That's suppose to be good for many things.

Also this morning I pulled out my manuscript for a pirate story with a twist. It's about a female pirate on the high seas. I had started it for last years NANOWRIMO and didn't finish. I want to find out where I am with it and see if it can be salvaged.

I've ordered wool batting to use over armatures for my needle felt pieces. The pirates, ghoulies, and witchies are yelling at me to get them done. Halloween is coming!

My goal is still the same. Something creative everyday. I am grateful that I have friends who tell me to take a break, or they rescue me from my apartment to go see a movie. Always battling demons of doubt and that it's too late for me to do what I want to do with my life.

It's never too late.

I may not get to everything but I'm going to give it one hell of a shot. I'm not done yet.

The Film

Ever since I can remember, I've been fascinated by movies. Movies with stop motion animation, my favorite being 'Jason and the Argonauts'. The sci-fi movies of the 1950s, I would sit there and figure out how they did the special effects. Whatever book on sci-fi and fantasy films I could get, I did. Like so many others, I told myself that one day, I was going to make movies and animated films.

I was told that I would have to go to Hollywood or New York. I attempted Hollywood several times. The first when I was accepted to UCLA for film. I wanted to be a matte artist. Loved the work of C. Bonesteel. Couldn't afford to go. The second time, the same reason. The third time, 911 happened and I lost my job, along with my savings. Disappointed? You bet, but I filed that dream away. I refused to let it go altogether. That was my dream.

Fast forward some years and I'm in a new place emotionally, a new part of the country, a new state and a new town. I joined a writer's group and was introduced to a fantastic and dynamic person, Nathan Ross Freeman. Please check him out. www.nathanrossfreeman.com
www.mrbonesfilm.com www.authorityaction.com

The first time we met, he was the guest speaker for the group. The second time we met it was at the writer's group member appreciation party. He remembered me and asked me if I was still writing and I said no. After receiving a dirty look, he asked, "Why not?" Not having seen this man in months, my left eyebrow raised, not really knowing which direction to take my answer. So I cut him some slack and quelled the mini 'Wrath of Wendy'. I mean, who did he think he was? I smiled and told him that I was busy making dolls.

His eyes widened, a light had gone off over his head and lit his face.
"You make dolls?"
My eyebrow goes up again. The bad, mischievous Wendy is fighting to be a smart ass as I recalled having just told him that I was making dolls. Me being a better looking Santa. The good Wendy prevailed.
"Yes, I make dolls."

He put a finger up and said, "Wait a minute."
Cogs in his head began to grind.
"For sale?"
"Yes, I sell some of them."
Before I could say anything else.
"Wait!"
He closed his eyes and placed index fingers on his temples. I could actually see the wheels of creativity turning in his head. Really, it was amazing. I wasn't expecting the next question.
"How would you like to be in a movie? Have your dolls in a movie?"

Not one to pass up on too many creative opportunities, I said, "Sure."
Now on the inside, I was jumping up and down saying, "Hell yeah. You don't have to ask me twice."
We set a date for our first meeting and the rest.... well it's becoming history. Herstory. My story. My side of this creative endeavor with a bunch of other creative folks.

There were a few glitches at first. Funding being one but this is Nathan's baby. One of those life projects that just won't go away until it's done. It has baked a little and changed a lot. Things were regrouped and money raised. Which is ongoing but that's cool. An LLC was formed with Nathan at the helm, Jarrett Tolman, LaMyra Kinzer (actress extraordinaire) and me, Wendy Luane Barber. Artist. Is this sweet or what?

I'm going to use my blog to document my journey into filmdom. I can't give details about the movie but I can give details of my part, my creative process in the making of it. I am making dolls for a character who makes, wait for it, dolls. She's got this whole house of dolls.

So please join me on my journey. Check back every now and again. All of my entries will be marked as film. Am I excited? You bet. And I'm not even in California.