Hello April

I got up yesterday morning and was shocked to see white stuff on the ground and little fluffy white things floating around. After a lot of rain and gusty winds the previous day. All day. Yes, Old Man Winter is still hanging around. Glad the snow didn't stick but it's the nightmare of it all. But spring is coming, a little late but it's coming. At 7 P.M. it's still light out. Birdsong has changed and green things are starting to grow.

Onward.

I didn't post a lot last month. Eegads! I made my one year anniversary on being back in Michigan. Okay... so now what? Good question and I'm working on some answers. Still figuring me out, I love being a work in progress. And starting a new chapter in The Book of Wendy. So here we go.
My front page for April in my bullet journal.

Got my Christmas gifts started too. I'd always wanted to get them started in February but March is okay. I love knitted cotton dishcloths. 

And here are some witches I'm working on. I had to go out and buy a brand new paint brush to paint their stockings.

No Pic Post

Yes, a no pic post. Why? Why not? It's something that I've been feeling and thinking since my anniversary last week. I don't know what has happened. My attitude has changed a bit. At least towards what I want to do with myself. I just hope that it doesn't take another ten years to see some results.

The day after my anniversary, I felt as if I could do anything. And what I really wanted to do was to get back to creating dolls and Halloween pieces. Like I was going to explode. I was on creative overdrive. Even though I had quilts to longarm, this energy was oozing out of me. Kind of crazy. I like this new way of doing applique and I'm ready to get going on my own designs. I was amazed that I was excited again. A part of my tiny brain said it wasn't going to last. I pushed that thought out and into a dump. I will not question it. Whatever 'it' is. I feel like I've been reborn. I was searching for that dynamo of creativeness for such a long time and I may have found her.

Now for the true test. I've discovered that I need to find time to nurture the new creative me. I can't work on anything wet at the studio so I will have to do it in my apartment. Wet meaning paint, clay, paper mache, that type of thing. I will now start taking one or two days out of the week to work in those mediums. Another thing is to finally go through my ideas and pick one thing to work on. That will happen today. It's a good day. Nice and cloudy and rainy. A good day to get tucked in on a new project.

Stay tuned!

Anniversary

Yes, it's my anniversary. Yesterday was the day I left Michigan for North Carolina ten years ago. I can't believe it's been that long. I thought I would be upset but I wasn't. I learned a lot, met some really nice people, and did some really cool things.

• Participated in many art & craft shows
• Had my work in several shops and galleries
• Was part of a three woman show in the Delta Arts Center
• Was interviewed on the local radio for that exhibit
• Showed up in a couple of local papers for my artwork
• Visited two National Forests, a waterfall, and other scenic areas
• Made it to the coast and the mountains
• I started writing a lot and made the goal with National Write a Novel in a Month, several years

And other things. I don't know exactly what the next ten years will hold. I don't know if I'll be in the same spot. But I am hopeful. I am ready for another part of the play. I have new ideas for artwork, which I will finally own. So many have told me how much they like my work, many have bought some but I just didn't see it. Now I do. I will own my creativity, my talents and be the crazy art lady. I will be prolific. And I'm ready. Many demons have been slain. 

Let's do this!

What the Heck!

Yep!  What the heck?  Where has this year gone?  My head is spinning and the world is upside down.  In thirteen more days it will be the longest day of the year.  And you know what happens after that... the days start getting shorter.  What?  The past couple of weeks have been a bit crazy.  I'm working on catching up on things, like wrapping up May.  That just totally slid by me.  Two commissions and an art show later, I can come up for air.  A bit.  So grab your favorite beverage, your favorite seat and get comfortable.  This may take awhile.  Where do I begin?

Okay, I'll begin with the end of May.  The last day, the 31st, when I realized that I had been out of work for a year and actually survived.  There were times where I did get help from some wonderful people but I didn't give up on my dream of being an artist.  Not starving but severely struggling and that could be a mind thing in itself.  My emotions were all over the place.  Happy because I took a chance.  How many other people do? With several false starts, I forged ahead.  Not knowing where I was going or how things were going to turn out.  Working out a schedule for me that would work for what I wanted to do.  I'm still working on that but I've found out that I write better in the mornings.  I work great with the painting and dolls after lunch.  That's a good thing.  I'm still amazed that I can do that.  Make my own schedule.  Some days I have to chuck it out the window, but it's my schedule.

Happy because I've been creating and working on new designs, even though most didn't work out.  But attempt was there.  I didn't know if they would work or not and the drama between the two Wendy's was epic.  I can't. I can.  I can't.  Oh, just do it and worry about the outcome later.  I even surprised myself when I had to do a cloth doll for a graduation gift.  With very little time to do it.  I couldn't find my old patterns because brilliant me decided to put them in envelopes and file them away.  Far, far away.  They are quite safe.  So, I did what any doller would do.  Made up a new pattern and doll in a day.  I really like this new pattern and I'm trying to figure out what else I can with it.  Got her painted and dressed in the second day.  I really need to figure out how to keep that kind of fire under my butt at all times.  Be able to turn it on and off.  Good Wendy was impressed.   Bad Wendy's head exploded.  For those of you not familiar with The Wendy's, they are my muses and alter egos.  They either encourage me, present bright ideas, or go totally AWOL.

Happy because I've have been in the zone so many times that is was a form of enlightenment.  Pleasure. Excitement.  There were times when I felt like I was flying and when  project was done, I didn't crash and burn like in previous years.  I stepped right into the next thing.  There were times when my brain actually hurt because I was thinking things through.  They say that your brain is a muscle and this past year I have stretched it.  I actually felt it getting stronger.  Neurons reconnecting.

Happy because of the many times I questioned myself and I just didn't give up.  I kept going.  There was always tomorrow.  I was blessed with new days.  Days to start over again if I had to and sometimes, I had to.  Days of being alone and stuck in my studio.  Working on a project through tears because this was my new job.  Something I've always wanted to do.

Happy because no matter how many times I got knocked down (and there were plenty) I got back up.  Sometimes I limped, was bruised, or totally shell shocked.  Always working on not comparing myself to anyone else.  Hard, very hard.  Battling the thoughts that I'm too old to do this or to be published one day.  Realizing that I just have to do it.  Write my stories, craft my dolls because I have to.  Work my butt off because I have to.  Because those things are a part of me, they make me.  To create is to breathe.  And when I don't, I feel a little ill.  Then I pick up clay, or fabric, or a paintbrush, or pen and paper and get going again.  I've painted, sewn, and written through tears.  Will it happen again?  Probably.  But I will keep going.  If anyone ever tells me that I don't work, I will tell them to try it.  And then eat rat turds.

Now the other side of the coin.  There have been times when I would freak myself out, asking if I should get a job.  Then I ask myself, what jobs?  I still beat up and drag myself over hot coals and mountainous terrain.  But not as often as I had been doing.  Am I still afraid at times?  You betcha.  I am getting stronger because this is my creative journey.  If I don't like one path, I can get on another one.  Am I wealthy?  Nope.  Will I be?  I don't know the answer to that either.  But I will have peace of mind and a sense of accomplishment.  No one can take that away from me.  So I guess in a sense, I am wealthy.  Leaving behind things that will make people smile or think.

Well would you look at that?  Not much to the other side of that coin.  I am very proud of myself.  Of what I've done in one year.  Last year I made a deal with myself to at least try.  The deal is still on because this year will be better.  The Wendy's have pushed their sleeves up.  The game is still on.

My Birthday Pic 2012

Happy Birthday To Me, Happy Birthday To Me!
Two days into my New Year and I'm feeling pretty good. I've been busy, even though I'm still celebrating my birthday. I've gotten back to editing my kid's manuscript and I've been writing new material. I've sketched some new dollies, and I am content.

My good friend Maya took me out for a birthday dinner and it was so yummy. I even had a martini. Haven't had one of those in many months of Sundays. We went to Bonefish Grill because they have a gluten free menu for Maya. We had a wonderful shrimp and sun dried tomato appetizer. I had a cup of corn chowder, which was oh so yummy along with fresh bread and fresh basil with the best olive oil I've ever tasted. Maya had a chicken dish with fontina cheese, and I had a huge pork chop with mushrooms, cheese, proscuitto, and marsala sauce. We shared a huge macadamia nut brownie with homemade ice cream, and a raspberry sauce. Even the coffee was tasty. With every bite there was a different flavor. I felt like Ratatouille when he was eating the strawberry and cheese. I got a small box of chocolates and was serenaded by our waiter who sang opera on the side. It was great!

It's My Birthday!

50 years ago, on a Thursday, I was born. I was going to sleep in this morning but got up early for my birthday. I didn't know how I felt. I said my thanks and that I was grateful for being here, right now. Grateful for all that I've accomplished, for all that I've yet to do, see, and people to meet.

I got in the shower and cried. I don't know if they were tears of joy or sadness. Joy because I've made it this far? Sadness because... I didn't know. I told myself that I would only think of what I have, not what I don't have. So the sadness of anything negative I would have mentioned turned into one of 'goodbye' to the past 50 years. With all of the hurts, slights, disappointments, lost love, and missed opportunities. It's time to say goodbye. I have to let you go.

I have my memories of extreme happy and frightening times. Memories of loved ones who encouraged me 100%. Ancestors who lived, loved, and died so that I could be here. Today. I will not let them down. Nor will I let myself down.

I have accomplished a lot in 50 years. I have touched many lives, more than I can remember, in positive ways or even with just a smile, a pat on the back, a hug, or words of encouragement. My artwork has graced many homes and publications. Pieces are in shops and galleries and I've even had a one woman show. A first of many more to come. I'm certain of it. I have earned two degrees. A Bachelor of Fine Arts, in art, specializing in watercolor painting. A Master of Arts in theater, specializing in costume design. Yes, there are things I've wanted to do and didn't get to. But one thing I've held on to was that I've always wanted to be involved in movies and have just touched the tip of that iceberg. 100 of my dolls and parts of dolls are the main focus of an independent film in pre-production. I guess that's what holding on to a dream means.

When I was a kid, way before I really knew that there was a real world out there, I never thought I would move away from home. That I would always stay in my birth city. My grandma would take me out west to visit relatives on Ye Olde Greyhound. My first adventures. I have traveled to several other states since then. On my bucket list - see some National Parks. I now live in the south.

Things changed when I got my passport. I am so grateful that my first time out was a wonderful one. New Zealand. If I could have found out how to stay, I would have.  Probably would've worked on those Hobbit movies. I'm going back. Next up, England for some Shakespeare, followed by Canada. Some people may not think of Canada as another country. But it is. And growing up in Michigan, I felt it as a sister country. I could see it across the river. Buildings even. New Brunswick made it to my list. After that, Japan. I'm going back there too. The first place I felt culture shock, for a brief moment.

It was summer time, festival season was in full form. I just love a country that celebrates just about everything. I was in Tokyo, they had closed the main thoroughfare, and there was a sea of light skinned, dark haired people. At that moment, I was the Connecticut Yankee. I was literally the chocolate chip in the rice pudding. With all of those people about it got quiet, the air stilled, and things moved in slow motion. Then this energy wave came and passed through me. A slight breeze touched my face. Maybe angel wings? The sound came back and I was at peace. I was in another homeland. Every place I've been to so far, I've felt that it was home or that I'd been there before. Past lives or accumulated memories?

There are people who will never leave their neighborhood. People who will never have the feeling of wonder, joy, awe, and satisfaction of being a traveler. Smiles are the same all over. I want to see more. I'm so grateful that I've been able to jump a couple of ponds. To see what I can see.

Friends have become family. Being my mom's only child, I grew up with lots of cousins, aunts, and uncles. Many of them are gone now but I continue to get new family. They listen to me, laugh with me, share with me. They have encouraged me and pushed me out of several boxes. They've come in all shapes, sizes, sexes, and colors. Some have touched me briefly. A few have been there since I was a little kid. Some I've only met recently and they assure me they are in it for the long haul. I love you all.

I feel like a Phoenix. I'm ready to take off and fly. I'm ready for the second part of my life. What will the next decade bring? I don't know. But I'm ready to make things happen. Create new things. Travel to new places and not-so-new places. Make more friends. Live, laugh, and love more. Especially love more. Love me more and cut myself some slack. This has been a good life. I'm ready to script the next 50 years. Whether it unfolds that way or not, it's all good. The morning tears were for saying goodbye to the past. Hello to the future.

50 years ago on a Thursday morning I was born.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

Six Years!

Six years ago this month, I moved from Michigan to North Carolina. My life had been in a holding pattern and it didn't look like it was going to get any better. For several years there was a massive migration of Michiganians to other places. I knew I wanted to get back to my artwork and I knew that it wouldn't happen in my home state. So I packed up my truck and headed south. That year, 51,000 people left the state.

I knew one person when I got to North Carolina. My friend Jon had been bugging me to come visit him. We met in Japan. I decided not to just visit but to move. He helped me get a place and my new adventure began. I had to learn my way around. I started hanging out in the Arts District, meeting people so they would remember me for any job that may come up. Finding places to show my work or sell it. Whatever free even I could find, I went to. I was a little afraid but very hopeful.

The first friend I made was Marta. She also moved to NC from Arkansas that same year. We met at a writer's meeting. My second friend I made was Maya, who saw something in me that I hadn't yet seen in myself. They are still my friends. I have made a few more friends and many more acquaintances. I've learned new things and a lot more things about myself. That I am brave, determined, resilient, bold, talented. I can say that I've worked my butt off in the past six years. I've done doll shows, made dolls for an independent film, have my dolls in several shops and galleries, and almost have my kid's book edited.

I have traveled a bit of the state. I've been to the coast, the foothills, and the mountains. I've even been to my first National Park. There are many more places to visit, like Asheville.

The foundation has been laid. I'm so proud of myself. All my hard work is paying off and I'm ready for the next part of my creative journey. I do hope you hang around to see what happens next in my world.

Anniversary

April 14-16, four years ago, I made my way from my home state of Michigan to the south for a better opportunity at life. I never thought I would move down south but here I am. Where I am isn't as bad as I had thought, even with my Hollywood movie stereotypes. I knew I needed a change and change is difficult.

I packed my truck to the gills and headed for new territory. I knew one person when I got here and I have many more new friends and I love them. The first year was spent getting use to the place, finding a job. The second year was settling in and developing a plan, remember why I made my move. The third year I claimed as my year to begin my creative journey all over again. Naysayers were slayed like dragons in my head. This fourth year, my work, determination, perseverance, and plain ole' being stubborn is starting to pay off. My new creative career has been launched.

I finally feel empowered. I am finally allowing the real Wendy Luane to come out and play. I like and appreciate every creative idea I have. They may not all work, but I gave them a shot. There are many more waiting in line. I crawled out of my box and like what I'm seeing and doing. If there was a failure, I pulled out the First Aid Kit, then took the next step. Was it scary? Yeah. Sometimes it still is and then I remember why I'm here.

I am a work in progress. I'm not done yet. My new journey has just begun.

Woo hoo!