Saturday, January 9, 2016

The First Week

There's one more day, today, left in my week. I start my new week on Sunday. For the first week of the new year, I didn't too to bad. I want to at least write five days out of the week and I did just that. I got my first business quilt, I got the binding attached to two preemie quilts (I'll stitch those down today), I finished my last Sashiko piece and I'm ready for the next step of that project. I cut out and sewed two new dolls for Halloween and I discovered something else about me. I guess kind of an epiphany. Nothing will ever be perfect enough. My apartment, my work area, nothing. For so long I've been putting off doing creative things because of numerous things. Excuses really. Not enough room, I want a separate spot to make dolls or do paper clay or polymer clay. I don't have enough shelving unit space. The list went on and on. The clock continued to tick on and on and I would end up berating myself because nothing got done. I'd see others online who had a table in the corner of their living room, or were using the kitchen table in between meals. How were they able to get things done and not me? Everyone would like to have that cool studio space with all the supplies needed to do whatever at the ready. That's a great dream. But when do I actually make something?

I have a friend who is also in the same predicament. We talked this week and I saw myself in her. She said, I've got to get this section cleared out. I've got to arrange things for the 13th time. Things aren't quite right. I got it. But I didn't like it when I saw me. I was getting older and not producing anything. And that's when I told myself that it's okay not to have that extra table to work on or have that extra shelf to put more stuff on. I looked around my apartment and I have everything that I need to at least get started with something. I decided that I wasn't going to have those excuses anymore. The fear is real and it will always be there. I've dealt with it before. Now it's time to wrangle it again.

Be open to new things. A mantra for the year. You just never know what will come around. There are new tenants in the building where my quilt studio is. I can't do wet things there because of the carpet on the floor. That was one of my excuses for not doing anything in my apartment which has hardwood floors. Yeah. These two new tenants create apps for kids. They introduced themselves (it was very nice to have a man stand up to do so) and we got to talking. They had seen my longarm machine in my spot and I told them I was getting back into making Halloween things and writing. They told me what they did. And for a brief instant, a light bulb turned on over each of our heads. It was fun to see the wheels turning and we all smiled. They asked me about what I wrote and if I had any ideas that could be adapted to an app. I may have an opportunity to write and illustrate a game app for kids. They invited me to their office and I was able to see them tweak their newest app that should be out soon. How cool is that? I'll keep you informed of any developments.

So writing my new life script is starting to work. No more waiting for the perfect time to write or create. Do it now. No more beating myself up. Telling myself what an interesting and creative person I am and that I can do what I set my mind to do. To break big projects up into smaller pieces and work on those. One brick at a time makes a house. Or a castle.

Am I still scared? A little but I'm going to work with the fear instead of against it.


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