Thursday, May 5, 2016

I'm A Work In Progress

Still.

I found this quote on the webs...

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us”.
-Marianne Williamson 


I had a chance to talk to a life coach this week. It was quite interesting. She told me something that I already knew, which was that I was stuck, but there were other things I found out. She had me write several prompts. One was a list of things that have not gone well in the past couple of years, one listing good things that have happened, what good things did I garnish from the bad list and things I got from the good things list. Then I had to come up with insights from the first two lists. Well, I discovered that things weren't as bad as I had thought they were. Actually, I was neck-in-neck with good happenings and bad happenings. I did discover that there were some things that were kind of repeated and I just need to find a way to let them go because they aren't serving me well at all. Things like: being told I can't do something because of age, gender, color, education, place I lived and the continuous negative loop I played in my head on a regular basis. That will have to stop. I realized that it's okay for me to like me. To take care of me. To take a break when I need it. It's not being a narcissist, I'm not harming anyone in this process. But in order for me to progress, I need to be kinder to me. The coach said that I'm having a hard time taking that next step because of the loop and suggested a book to read that should help me get to the next step. I'll check the library.

I do feel better right now. Just from those prompts and seeing what was going on in my head. Sometimes you just need to have another brain that has nothing to gain from you to help you out. Then I read the above quote and it's dead on. I'm not afraid of failure. I've done lots of that and kept going. Success... that light of success is a scary thing. My light wants to shine and I continue to throw a blanket over it. I will work on that too. 

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