But I'm still here. It's been crazy the past couple of weeks. Heck, months. I've been challenged yet again and back to treading water. I've finally gotten to a point of not worrying about anything. Lost a commission. Some ideas have fallen through. It doesn't mean that they were bad ideas; I succumbed to doubts and other things like not exercising.
I finally got a Smart Phone and the learning curve has been deep and extremely steep. Especially since I just wanted to use the thing to accept credit cards at craft shows. I was worried because I hadn't gotten the credit card reader and still learning how to use the phone. I have been back twice to my phone provider and after all is said and done, would have visited each location in town. I finally got the reader and tried practicing swiping a credit card. Yeah right. My thumb doesn't like it one bit. So I panicked and did the crying thing and the name calling started up again. I am so techno challenged and felt lower than a beetle at the bottom of a dung pile at the bottom of a lava tube of an extinct volcano. I hadn't been working on anything because the new phone just vexed me and everything was spinning out of control. All the should haves, could haves, would haves just started piling up. I'd lost my holiday spirit, even my Halloween creations couldn't console me.
WHAT THE HECK!
I am not perfect. No one is. As an artist, I am harder on myself than anyone would ever be. That's not fair to me. Yes, I've got a lot going on this last craft show of the year. It can make me or break me financially but I will not give up. I do have that going for me. My determination, persistence, perseverance, stubbornness, and any other like word. I need to write some signs, make them real pretty and plaster them all over my apartment. Signs that say, "BE NICE TO WENDY". I stopped and looked at what I hadn't been doing. Exercise. For me it seems to help with feeling low and unworthy. Something about endorphins. So I got up this morning and went for a walk. It didn't matter that it was wet out, or chilly. Actually it felt pretty good and I felt alive again. Silly me.
My head is a little clearer now. Not great but I've decided not to worry anymore this year. It's a start. I have enough items for my craft show. I know I will sell something. Probably many things. I had also started to think that I hadn't accomplished much of anything after my big exhibition in February. I can always remember the bad things that happen or go wrong but never the nice things that happen. So when I saw this on Facebook, I thought that I would participate.
How many of you only remember the disasters and near misses of the past year? Can you remember the nice times? I can only remember a few and I know I've had more than that. So I'm going to do this. In January and I already have my jar ready. I will decorate it and make it lively because it will be holding my 'nice happenings'.
I guess I'll get breakfast, finish my coffee and continue on with my day. It's my day. And I'm okay.
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