Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Yesterday

I wrote this post yesterday. Got busy once I got to the apartment and wasn't able to post. So here it is today.

Okay, what's going on? I never thought that I would be a longarmer. Seriously. I do like doing it once I get started. Kind of like writing. But life really likes to keep you on your toes. Just when you think you can breathe, some huge troll body slams you, then you get hit by a wagon and tromped on by a stampede of baby goats. You wonder where the heck did that come from? What had I done or hadn't done? Why is there no break? I guess I should stop asking that question because there doesn't seem to be an answer. Or if there is one, I keep missing it. So what is one to do? I've tried many things and it all comes back to me being body slammed by life.


I'm sitting in Hoots Beer Company after a day in the studio. I'm working very hard not to burst into tears. I really couldn't afford this wonderful fall Mild Session Ale but I survived this past week, dug into my purse and truck for funds and I'm having one. I wonder how much longer I'll have to struggle? But that's not the point. You're supposed to enjoy the moment, where you are, each day. So I enjoyed working on the longarm today. Trying to keep my thoughts on the quilt before me. It's a beautiful quilt and the person who put it together is a wonderful person. She makes me laugh and she likes my work and appreciates me quilting for her. She is a cheerful person. I... am not. I'm a brooder, a worrier. I hide it well. I have many masks. I'm always asking why? Maybe I should change that because I won't get any answers. I guess that's what makes this planet go round. The different people and their different tempers. I don't mean anger but their tempers of being. I thought I had a handle on being me. Basically minding my own business. Helping those who want it when I can. But then things happen and even though you're on your guard, you get side swiped. On a regular basis. You feel stupid for falling for it. Again. A different wolf in sheep's clothing. You begin to doubt who you are and what you're doing on this rock.

And there are still no answers. I'm too goofy to give up. I still have time left. Maybe. So what do I do? To keep moving onward? I will have to come up with other income streams. I'm no good in retail, food service, or any type of corporate or government job. I am a creative person and I will work with my assets. My talents. My tenacity and stubborness.

The clouds are lifting. I can take one day at a time. That's all I can do. Don't plan too far into the future. That's a kill joy, especially when life just ants to play April Fool's jokes on you throughout the year. But that's okay. I've been knocked down before and I continue to get up. Getting knocked down will continue to happen because that is life. So I will search for the happy in each moment, during the day and keep treading.

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