Monday, February 9, 2009

On a Creative High

I don't know about anyone else out there but when I'm working on a project and I'm really into it, I get excited. Everything else on the planet disappears. Will it work or not? If it works, will it look like I expect it to, be a close facsimile or not look like the original idea at all? I keep at it because there's probably a deadline for the project in question. Frustration arises and tears because of course, I waited until the last minute to get started. Princess Of P. remember? Then...

Behold! It's done. For a moment it's beautiful and wonderful and I can't believe this piece of art came from me. More tears are quickly followed by the 'inspection'. Things I should've done or things that could've been added. More bling. Maybe I shouldn't have used that color of fabric as the main outfit. I tell myself to stop because I could easily go into finding every little thing wrong with my newest creation. Including, why did I do it in the first place? I am totally my own worst critic.

I take a breath, pull out the inexpensive camera and take the best pic I possibly can. I box up my little creation to be delivered, wherever. There is a sadness letting go of a creation. I tell myself that's the point of making them, to let them go so someone else may enjoy them. After I relinquish the package, I make my way back home to a very messy studio/apartment. I fix a cup of tea and park myself on the sofa.

At that time I start to feel it. The crash is coming. The adrenaline that was oh so pumped up while I was creating and trying to make a deadline isn't making a slow descent, it's crashing. Like an old satellite reacquainting itself with earth. Then there's the long climb out of the crater.

Maybe that's part of the reason I procrastinate. The rush of the adrenaline, being in the zone and then it's not there anymore and I have to start all over again. Clean up and begin again. Would I be able to duplicate what I just finished or would I be able to make something better?

I will have to work on this thing (I don't really know if it can be called a problem) because it comes up with just about every project, with a deadline. I know I can do whatever I put my mind to. I have the knowledge, talent, tools, experience and supplies. There is nothing to stop me except, excuses. Or is it fear?

While the embers are still hot, I'll add more fuel by continuing to work on more dolls. My goal for the month is ten dolls. Ten new pieces. It's time to get back on the creative roller coaster. I hope you come back to see what I've come up with.

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